I am breathing
living
inhaling
exhaling
just a working system
within a working system

i do not want to be a pattern
in a perfect circle, 360 degrees
i do not want to be confined
i do not want to spread my wings

i am breathing
living
inhaling
exhaling

but I want to be without a rhyme
without any sequential method
i want to be odd
and outdated
i do not want to be random.
i want to be something different.
i do not want to be in the outer parts of your society
i do not even want to be in a society

i want to breathe on my own accord.
i want to be
however i feel
at any given time and moment
and not let measurements of time or the falling of the sun and rising of the moon affect what i do with myself.
i do not want a GPA to define the inner workings of my mind
I do not want this religious institution to define how well my spirit is.
I want to decide my own holy conversations with my heavenly Father.
I wan to breath on my own accord.

I want to be.
However I feel.
At any given moment.

Madam @ Blogspot

I trusted him with things that I trust very, very few with: my heart (unguarded), my digital camera, and my money.

It was interesting.

One day while in conversation, I told a guy to quit agreeing with me. He said something a long the lines of, "Quit saying things I agree with." I proceeded in speaking about God (a hazy issue for some). I told him that the only love that is never ending and can truly fill you is God's love.
Yeah, he disagreed.
That makes me sad for not only him but also all those who don't believe my statement either.
They will never experience such an unwavering and filling love, and will always depend on another human being for it. Which in reality, no human can provide. It's not a sad reality, just a true one. We all simply have our own agendas.

Madam@Blogpost

some say i am tainted. jaded even. i am not. im just a realist. i love life for what it is. i just know how men can be. that does not make me jaded. it makes me strong as a woman and sometimes men can find that quality intimidating.

I have really been enjoying my class, Literature and Art of the Great Depression. We read about 90-100 pages a night and then discuss what we read. It is a seminar based class, so most of your learning comes from discussion with classmates and the professor. I really like that we can all discuss our thoughts and get into some deep convos about the text. It isn't all Power Point presentations and lecture from the professor. It's varying perspectives and analysis' of the readings thatis guided by our teacher. I like it a lot. I haven't really sat and enjoyed reading this much in a looooong time. It is very fulfilling and refreshing. I feel like I am really going to learn a lot in this class, by not only improving my critical thinking but also flirting with differnt view points, constantly. As far as my other classes, Prayer and Spirituality is going well. I repsect the teacher and her mission. I think I will gather more from her as a person than I will from the class. I do like that this class gets students thinking about spiritualty, in our American culture we are often cultivated to shy away from any type of conversation on spiritually or religion or learning about our inner self. This class brings about these types of convos daily. This makes me happy because spiritally and a good, strong connection between a person and God is very important to me. It makes a person more whole. Well, enough of my ranting. I must go. Sorry, no time to edit or revise. Please forgive me. :)

Madam @ Blogspot

I love life.
that is all

This evening I saw a large decal of the Virgen de Guadalupe covering the back window of an SUV that was driving next to us. It brought a very strong sense of nostalgia, which for me, is a rush of very saddening and very happy emotions all at once. It reminded me of my childhood and growing up on the west side. It reminded me of Burbank High school and winter nights and loud car stereos booming through la calle at night. To me, this decal represented a sense of pride in a heritage. In my heritage. It not only made me proud of the owner of this vehicle and their family but it also made me happy for my own family. To have the Virgen displayed on your car for the world to see makes me happy. I'll be always be reminded of my past when I see this Catholic symbol displayed anywhere, but especially on some one's car. Viva la raza.

Madam @ Blogspot.

I miss that old feeling I use to have. I felt like a dreamer. I miss the nights that I drank wine more than anything and I didn't know what it was to feel the true pain of love yet. I thought I ruled everything. I barely had to move and I felt like I was coming down in waves wherever I was. I felt like a queen when I walked into a room. I felt like I had this amazing future in the spot lights. The energy and feeling that use to resonate within me was beyond amazing.
...
I need to get that feeling back. I still feel it at times, but I want to FEEL it, in my everyday, and I know its up to me. I have been sitting still too much. Literally. I need to get up and move and inhale some creativity. I want to be my own muse. My own inspiration. I need to worry less about social networks and "status updates" and "comments" and where the local drink specials are and get on with life, cuz I really do feel like I'm letting it pass me by.
With the possibility of sounding like a cocky asshole, I know it, and I feel it in my bones that I am meant for something greater and bigger than this life... and this is because I am willing to let God use me as his vessel. I just hope that I don't sabotage myself.
Always a good ear.

Night Blogspot,

Madam@Blogspot