I want to do Ballet again. So bad.
Ughhhhhh. That feeling I would get after class was sooooooo good! And feminine.
I must get in a class. ASAP.
Damnit.

Madam@Blogspot

Prayer and Spirituality Class:

We have been learning about the different disciplines practiced mostly in the Western world and more specifically, Christian religions. Although I wanted my religion class to introduce different religions and cultures to me, ones that I have yet to learn about, this class is still good. Anyways, the discipline that we reviewed yesterday was confession. The team that was assigned to present the topic had a Power Point presentation and then had an exercise to follow. This was more interesting than I thought it would be. The team encouraged the class to write down something that they want to confess and then throw it away in front of the class, in hopes that it may allow some kind of release. However, if the person wanted, they can share what they were confessing and releasing. I thought this would make it more fun. But it not only did that, it also made it that much more real... to everyone.
I decided to not only go throw my "confession" away but I also announced it to the class. I told them, that I still I find myself spending time with people that have bad habits, negative energy and that I feel in my heart I should not associate myself with. Some people nodded in agreement or grunted.
It was definitely a release. It felt good to confess that to my peers. The other thing that I noticed, and I thought it would be subtle, however it was completely apparent, was that by confessing this; I was telling my peers I knew it was wrong and I feel/felt like I was letting them hold me accountable for those actions and decisions I had made.
I know how much time I am spending in the attempt of bettering myself, whether it be my academic education, my current occupation, or just trying to personally work on myself. And sometimes I let my decisions and actions contradict all my practices. However, through these past months, especially since the beginning of the new year I can honestly say I have not spent my time with negative people. I told myself, when I learned it years ago, that the only way I will spend time with someone who is troubled, is if I am helping them in some way. Whether it be a good ear, a healthy conversation or to really help them work on themselves. I do not want to participate in their silly endeavors because I know how they will turn out and I definitely can not have a romantic relationship with men like that because they do not know how to have a healthy relationship. I will always continue to try and live my life with these beliefs, and if you see me slacking, I would love for you to call me out on it.

P.S. Common themes in my life lately:

The power of prayer, the power of unity (friends and fam), respect, not having to prove or justify yourself to someone else (especially if they are malicious aka haters. ha), and having self control.

All of these things have been congruent in all different areas of my daily life.

Sorry I always write too much,
Madam @ Blogspot

This past week was utterly amazing. Let me begin with a disclaimer, this is not one of those, "My Life is So Amazing and Better than Yours... blah blah blah" posts. Haha. No, this is more like, "I Am So Blessed to have These Amazing People and Experiences In My Life" posts. lol
I had such a busy and PRODUCTIVE week last week, in the way of school AND work. And thoroughly enjoyed both. I got a lot done and stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning writing, reading, critiquing, researching, and designing. It felt good. I got to spend family time and time with great friends. I really love the good people I have surrounded myself with.
This past weekend was great too. I got in much needed sleep on Friday night and woke in the morning to good music and my best friend throwing the invite to SA's new outdoor Flea Market (I HATE that it's called a FLEA market. haha) I spent time with her and her mom. I love spending time with other people and their family. I think it's because I like to see them spend time together (lame, I know. haha) Then, our friend Eva came over and we had a girl's night with NO booze. Crazy? I know right. haha We played pool and had girl talk and it was really... nice. Like a sigh of relief or something.
Then today, I went with a friend of mine, whom I know enjoys art as much as I do, to a local art tour here in town called "On and Off Fred" It was really neat. It's one of those tours that take up like 2 days though. lol We got to visit a few though. I like walking in and out of the studios, all with such different vibes, different people, different cultures. But all of them creating. It was refreshing and not the usual scene. I enjoy my peers and being young and acting dumb, silly and tipsy. But, I will ALWAYS love progression, good vibes, real people doing real shit and those that are constantly creating and producing. They'll always have mad respect from me. So yeah, obviously, I had a nice time and I'm glad I got to spend it with a friend that has such an open ,ind to art. I hate being with snobs that are really good at art, they ALWAYS have TOO MUCH of an opinion. haha They can't just take it in...
I ended the weekend with spending the evening with other great friends in commemoration of a friend, Marcus' birthday, my friend Eva's old best friend and boyfriend, that past away. We went to eat and be together, in his honor. I was not very close to him. But I could tell that he had a good soul. He was a good young man. I'm glad that we still get together to celebrate his life. I'll end this post with a memory: One late night, after leaving a party, I was standing in the street with my ex (Nick), my friend Maria, Lauren and Marcus. We were talking about New York and traveling and then for some reason we all looked into the night's sky at the same time. At that very moment we saw a shooting star. We got excited and asked the other if they had seen it too. We jumped up, laughed and did high fives all around. It was cool, just to experience something like that. Something cosmic and celestial. It was a beautiful feeling. At that moment I felt my youth and the good vibes that were transferred between all of us. I know Marcus was a good young man and I'm glad that my friend Eva was able to share time with him during her lifetime.
Rest In Peace Marcus and look over Eva, if you may... You'll always be remembered. :)

Madam @ Blogspot

I am breathing
living
inhaling
exhaling
just a working system
within a working system

i do not want to be a pattern
in a perfect circle, 360 degrees
i do not want to be confined
i do not want to spread my wings

i am breathing
living
inhaling
exhaling

but I want to be without a rhyme
without any sequential method
i want to be odd
and outdated
i do not want to be random.
i want to be something different.
i do not want to be in the outer parts of your society
i do not even want to be in a society

i want to breathe on my own accord.
i want to be
however i feel
at any given time and moment
and not let measurements of time or the falling of the sun and rising of the moon affect what i do with myself.
i do not want a GPA to define the inner workings of my mind
I do not want this religious institution to define how well my spirit is.
I want to decide my own holy conversations with my heavenly Father.
I wan to breath on my own accord.

I want to be.
However I feel.
At any given moment.

Madam @ Blogspot

I trusted him with things that I trust very, very few with: my heart (unguarded), my digital camera, and my money.

It was interesting.

One day while in conversation, I told a guy to quit agreeing with me. He said something a long the lines of, "Quit saying things I agree with." I proceeded in speaking about God (a hazy issue for some). I told him that the only love that is never ending and can truly fill you is God's love.
Yeah, he disagreed.
That makes me sad for not only him but also all those who don't believe my statement either.
They will never experience such an unwavering and filling love, and will always depend on another human being for it. Which in reality, no human can provide. It's not a sad reality, just a true one. We all simply have our own agendas.

Madam@Blogpost

some say i am tainted. jaded even. i am not. im just a realist. i love life for what it is. i just know how men can be. that does not make me jaded. it makes me strong as a woman and sometimes men can find that quality intimidating.

I have really been enjoying my class, Literature and Art of the Great Depression. We read about 90-100 pages a night and then discuss what we read. It is a seminar based class, so most of your learning comes from discussion with classmates and the professor. I really like that we can all discuss our thoughts and get into some deep convos about the text. It isn't all Power Point presentations and lecture from the professor. It's varying perspectives and analysis' of the readings thatis guided by our teacher. I like it a lot. I haven't really sat and enjoyed reading this much in a looooong time. It is very fulfilling and refreshing. I feel like I am really going to learn a lot in this class, by not only improving my critical thinking but also flirting with differnt view points, constantly. As far as my other classes, Prayer and Spirituality is going well. I repsect the teacher and her mission. I think I will gather more from her as a person than I will from the class. I do like that this class gets students thinking about spiritualty, in our American culture we are often cultivated to shy away from any type of conversation on spiritually or religion or learning about our inner self. This class brings about these types of convos daily. This makes me happy because spiritally and a good, strong connection between a person and God is very important to me. It makes a person more whole. Well, enough of my ranting. I must go. Sorry, no time to edit or revise. Please forgive me. :)

Madam @ Blogspot

I love life.
that is all