Having a child shouldn't make you a woman...

This theme is far too common in my city. I want to change that.

"Far too many woman can say they're mothers, and can't say they're are wives."

Lord, please help me to change this one day, starting here.

"Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head.
Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that."

Dear God,

We are going to celebrate the resurrection of your son tomorrow, this is the most important reason for celebrating Easter. Thank you for always believing in me, even at the times that I am the weakest, and cannot believe in myself. You will always be my main man. I love you. Thank you.

Keeping in my mind the fact that I am always trying to observe my surroundings and the people that I am either directly or indirectly affected by, I have decided a few things... and I KNOW that we cannot control everything... but... it is MY PRAYER, that if I ever get married or have a child with a man before I am married (which I REALLY hope I do not) I hope that me AND that man try everything in our power to try and work out our relationship. Not just one of us, but both.
I have lived in a broken family and have had nothing but women/mothers be the constant amongst my family and group of friends. For my mom, it was her dad that held it down. And nowadays, it is commonplace to call the father the "babydaddy" and the mother the "baby mama" and it is far too often that the mothers are usually associated with giving that "drama" and the fathers being "deadbeats". And yes, these could both be a possibility in some cases, but I do not want to conform to these practices, no matter how much of a social norm they have or will become.

If I ever decide to take the "plunge" I want to know that I will be creating a family, even if it is just me and my husband. I am willing to put in work. And it is my prayer that if I ever do find a man that I would be willing to consider a husband, that that is what he will be. And what he will remain. Because I promise I will. Some may call me old fashion or unrealistic, but this my prayer.

Even if it's a prayer for the far away future...

Love you God,

Carol

Note to self: Discuss later a few things...

Celebrating the Thai New Year
Letting Go
Moving Forward
Possibly me actually moving this Fall or Spring
Defining what I actually call a friend
Never losing sight of what I am working and slacking so hard on
Learning new religions
Not falling
Keeping focused
Seeing things from a mile away and maybe making the RIGHT decision for once
STAYING Focused
Why I think one of the biggest things we need to teach children, in this day and age, is self-control
Satisfying that hunger that goes so mucher deeper than thought of food or water
Knowing that true creativity and inspiration doesn't come from doing drugs or getting your heart broken
Knowing that most people who do drugs are self-medicating
this goes for those who abuse alcohol as well
and finally
letting go of procrastination
working on a better communication
and always trying to work towards progressing.
LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

I want to release everything that I possess
And I want you to watch me create fireworks
From my works.
I want to see you back me up with your melodic thoughts and the vibrations of the music that flows from your hands.
I want to create beautiful things with you.
And I want to enjoy simple pleasures with you
...those mean the most.
I don't know if you can see it or not.
But, playing your violin, my hair a mess, in your dimly lit room, while I was wearing the shirt you got me that had your band's name printed across the front,
and only that... is now one of my favorite memories we've shared thus far.
And the fact that you took me to a temple to visit with monks, a sacred place, and how open you were to whatever they had to offer, well that says a lot about you, as a person and as a man, more specifically a Mexican man.
Well, basically, you don't seize to impress and intrigue me.
You're great.
I must say it simply, because it is so true it does not require any romanticized words.
You're great.
And I thought you knew it.
But I think I'm coming to realize you don't.
And I don't mind telling you on the daily.
In fact, I want to
while kissing your eyelids.
Left first. Then right.

<3

I haven't felt this good in a while. It's coming back to me, that feeling of being able to accomplish things. Little or big.
I'm starting off slow and it feels grand.
I love to get things done and to progress. Even if it's just a slight change, as long as I know it's for the better, then I feel better about myself.
I am happy.
I know that I still have lots to work on as an individual…it's just I feel like I'm always going to miss out on celebrating my youth.
I know the two questions I have to ask myself are:
1. Is having fun and being silly and going out and dancing and having little adventures as important as progressing and developing my knowledge and academic goals?
and
2. What's more important, the people that I want to help after I help myself? Or just making sure that I don't miss out on being young?
I know. I know.
I'm still a work in progress. I know I always will be, but by this, I mean that I am still trying to better myself in order to help anyone else. I need to stay focused. Just until May.
Then, summer. And I MUST get a job and take a dance and math course this summer, speaking (typing) of which, registration is on Friday! :O
Must call tomorrow....
Well, I'm delirious and so ready for bed. Night Blogspot. ;)

Madam@Blogspot

I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but I'll drop you in a second if I find out you have disrespected me.

Te promete.

Writing lines of poetry that are so real they turn into the lyrics from the ballad playing within my heart.
It is said that your soul is a microscopic piece.
But I would gladly break it into two.
One piece to keep for myself and once piece to
give to you.
And the ballad is playing on and on...
And, one day, I hope you can hear.
Lay your ear
Against my chest.
And sing the missing tune that has yet to be professed.

I have so much that I want to write about. I don't know where to begin.
I guess I'll just let it flow out in whatever order. I got to meet some Hare Krishna monks, attempt to play a violin, enjoyed friends, and different adventure and experiences. I have also been gathering so much information and learning from my schooling. My Great Depression class has taught me so much about the time period; the people, how people can operate in a time of desperation, and how some will stay good, honest and loyal, and others can become corrupted. It also sparks up issues of social justice and how we, as a human race, still have a long way to go to become better beings and images of God. My Prayer and Spiritually class has been great too. I'm not learning from the text but more so from my professor as a person and from questions that arise from my own personal experiences, especially when she asks us to put ourselves underneath a microscope in order to learn more about ourselves. Arabian Literature has provided me with beautiful readings and a connection between my culture and a culture a half a world away. It's been great. My professor for my Foundations of Education class has been such an inspiration to me. I witnessed her get her doctoral degree and her teachings not only about the course but about life in general have been beneficial to me as a woman, as a future educator, and as a person who has come from not such a fashionable background. Unfortunately, she is moving after this semester. Sucks, because I would have definitely chose her as my mentor. :(
Nonetheless, I have been having some trouble focusing. I always have this problem at the end of the semsters... so this is my prayer Lord… that you can help me out to not become distracted or discouraged. I want to finish out strong.
In the way of the other sex... well, let's just say, I'm gonna try and take it slow have good experiences, learn about who they are, and what not. I know I must not let myself become too attached. It's just that feeling... that you feel in every bone in your body...ha... that tells you so.
In regards to friends and family, I love my best friend and I thank God for always having her back and giving her life and I thank her for beginning to seize opportunities. My other good friend, Sabrina has been a new blessing in my lfe and I know I will learn a lot from her.
I'm still on a journey. I think that's what this life is. So please, I may fall and make mistakes... and some I know better about. But please, don't give up on me. One Love.
P.S. God be with Destiny Saenz, may the Holy Spirit come down and tell that girl she needs to

wake up already.

Madam@Blogspot