This evening I saw a large decal of the Virgen de Guadalupe covering the back window of an SUV that was driving next to us. It brought a very strong sense of nostalgia, which for me, is a rush of very saddening and very happy emotions all at once. It reminded me of my childhood and growing up on the west side. It reminded me of Burbank High school and winter nights and loud car stereos booming through la calle at night. To me, this decal represented a sense of pride in a heritage. In my heritage. It not only made me proud of the owner of this vehicle and their family but it also made me happy for my own family. To have the Virgen displayed on your car for the world to see makes me happy. I'll be always be reminded of my past when I see this Catholic symbol displayed anywhere, but especially on some one's car. Viva la raza.

Madam @ Blogspot.

I miss that old feeling I use to have. I felt like a dreamer. I miss the nights that I drank wine more than anything and I didn't know what it was to feel the true pain of love yet. I thought I ruled everything. I barely had to move and I felt like I was coming down in waves wherever I was. I felt like a queen when I walked into a room. I felt like I had this amazing future in the spot lights. The energy and feeling that use to resonate within me was beyond amazing.
...
I need to get that feeling back. I still feel it at times, but I want to FEEL it, in my everyday, and I know its up to me. I have been sitting still too much. Literally. I need to get up and move and inhale some creativity. I want to be my own muse. My own inspiration. I need to worry less about social networks and "status updates" and "comments" and where the local drink specials are and get on with life, cuz I really do feel like I'm letting it pass me by.
With the possibility of sounding like a cocky asshole, I know it, and I feel it in my bones that I am meant for something greater and bigger than this life... and this is because I am willing to let God use me as his vessel. I just hope that I don't sabotage myself.
Always a good ear.

Night Blogspot,

Madam@Blogspot

You just gotta do you, every damn day.

I told myself that I am on strike from dating or even really getting to know a guy, past being a friend, at least for the rest of this semester. At first I thought I would be lonely or it would be hard for me. However, the more I throw myself into my studies and school work and try to develop good friendships, I find myself noticing the fact less and less. It's not that I am going to turn my back on a good guy. I won't try to, but I am definitely not going to waste my time or energy on someone who is disrespectful, dishonest, or insecure. I know that I work too hard in order not to possess these qualities to subject myself to someone who does. On that note, I am not perfect; I know that and am willing to admit it. I can be pretentious at times and self indulgent go figure. haha But I really intend to keep to word on this one. The people that matter the most in my life are: my family, my close friends, mostly female, old friends who are like fam, my students, and my professors and mentors. These are all people that I am willing to put work in for, for different reasons, but all of the reasons being valid and sound. I wouldn't have it any other way. This is not a choice out of bitterness; on the contrary, it comes from a good and progressive place within me. So this is my prayer, that I do not talk to any male unless he has a soul and intentions as good as mine.

Madam@Blogspot

Okay, so I cheated. haha
I took this picture last time I went to New York. I need to upload the pictures from the most recent trip (I’m an expert at procrastination.) When I took this trip I was still trippin' on very illogical ideas and notions, because of that I thought at the time I could NEVER keep up with the hustle and bustle of the city and at times in my trip I was very overwhelmed.
Now, going back with a clear head, I not only thoroughly enjoyed the visit I was also able to embrace the city and everything it had to offer. I always have different perspectives of NYC (this was my fourth trip since I was 10.) Which makes sense; I don't think one ever gets the same perspective when they revisit something. This time it was from the angle of being a young woman with young hopes and dreams tumbling around in my head. I know people walk away with varying ideas on the city but mine, this time, was that I was very inspired. In San Antonio I feel like a lot of things are handed to us. In New York City however, one must get up and go for whatever it is that they want. I love that! The energy in the city is spectacular and never ending. This time getting to meet and converse with some of the locals, I observed they are a very determined bunch, for the most part; this was so invigorating for me! Well, now, I could see myself living there, God willingly when I graduate. One more thing that I would like to say is I noticed I tried to strip away any stereotypes I had of NYC before visiting and also tried to make myself see and feel it as though this way my own city, not so much in a physical sense but more so the way I interpreted it, if that makes any sense. By doing this it helped me to not feel intimidated by anything and thus places and people seemed much more relatable and less foreign to me. This, I believe also helped me to embrace everything that much more. I think I'm REALLY going to have to do that with my next trip I'm taking. I'm really excited for my next trip, which will be international, and I am determined to live my life without letting anxiety get in my way because sometimes I know it can.
Getting back to my New York trip, it was a success and I came back feeling so inspired... something else I came back with was the awareness of how petty some things I left behind in my city were. There is a world out there that is offering me and everyone else SO MUCH opportunity for learning and DOING and we must seize it and spread love.