I went to church on Sunday by myself.
I looked like a grandma. hah
I wore my glasses, almost no makeup my black slip under a long navy blue dress and a black sweater.
You member that movie with Will Smith and Eva Mendez where he meets her in a bar and she's in glasses reading a book and looking all tired....and he goes up to her and tells her she might as well be wearing a sign on her forehead that says fuck off? (I think its called Hitch??)
...Well yea, thats how I wanted to appear in church, especially since I was alone.
Well either way I went to pray and ask for guidance and strength to do the things in my heart that I know I need to do.
And put my prayers in a petition box.
I read an excerpt of a book after mass that they had in the chapel and it talked about forgiveness.
And how you have to forgive yourself for any mistakes or regrets you have made in life, that is the most important.
Then, you need to forgive those who have hurt you.
Whether it may be big trespasses or small.
Well I know I have some sorries to pass around and that I think I'm already dealing with that part pretty good. : )
But it's the forgiving others part....thats the hard part.
I aked God to help me to do that, especially one person in particular.
To forgive people and for me to remember that they are human and they make mistakes
and no human can ever be there for you and understand you all the time and there can never be that perfect love.
The only perfect love is that which God gives us.
So forgiving others in hurting me and realizing its not all about me and how I feel.
But that they are probably hurting too.
That they are maybe making the decisions they make because they are confused or unsure.
This is not about one person, but a few.
I guess I just need to remind myself that as long as people try and progress and be better
that they are good and especially when they are stuck they need the help of the people that love them.
And I guess reminding myself of that might make it a little easier to forgive.
As well as continusly praying.
Constantly.
As well as knowing that there are people and things worth fighting for and trying for.
And I know that I am strong and that I am a fighter.
Well needless to say mass was really good to me.
And the lady that gave me the wine looked at me and said."Ohmygod you are beautiful."
It really touched me. Shit almost made me cry.
Because when she said it, I felt as if she was looking into me not at me.
.....
Well I guess now I just need to work on those things as well as taking care of myself.
Yup. Yup. (No back steppin')
Today is a beautiful beautiful day. Enjoy the shit out of it! haha
El Fin.

-Madam @ Blogspot